Setting Personal Boundaries

Wait one cotton-picking minute!

In the South, this phrase has been known to be a polite, ice breaker in difficult conversations or when putting a stop to any nonsense which leads to my topic for today, setting personal boundaries.

I received an email from a viewer of my site that wanted advice on establishing boundaries. Well, I explained that I might not be the best person to advise her on this particular topic because I am still trying to master it, myself.

On my wedding day, I had the privilege to have a wonderful man raise a toast and give the sweetest, most inspirational speech about making deposits and not withdrawals in the marriage. I feel that this speech outlines everything you need to know in any relationship. See, deposits are being kind, thoughtful, understanding and expressing tenderness or gratitude in your marriage or relationship account. Withdrawals are checks of negativity, hurtfulness, infidelity and the list could go on. You never want a negative transaction to take over your marriage or relationship account, because it will overdraft or end it.

Over the years, I have experienced enough one-sided relationships that have taken a toll on me emotionally, physically and financially. Because of these experiences, I developed anxiety and experience many panic attacks with certain situations or individuals. With that said, developing and maintaining a healthy boundary and encircling yourself with like-minded people is vital for your health and well-being.

Here’s a few ways to start building a boundary…

1. Put yourself first. It’s so important to know and understand what your limits are and to give yourself permission to think about yourself first. This action alone will make you a better wife, mother or friend.
2. Direct and Clear Communication. Some people are pretty open to communication on boundaries and respect it. Others may give you a little push back. Boundaries are healthy and a sign of self-respect. You can’t own their response and must not feel guilty for communicating it.
3. Seek Support. If you don’t know how to begin to develop a boundary, you might want to find a therapist, support group, church or good friends to give you some pointers on where to begin.

I hope my response provides some comfort and insight into building better boundaries and maintaining them. Thank you so much for connecting with me and feel free to email me anytime.

 “Your personal boundaries protect the inner core

of your identity and your right to choices.”

 ~ Gerard Manley Hopkins